Thursday, August 20, 2009

Most Annoying Types of Facebookers

Straight from

  1. The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore.
    "I'm waking up." "I had Wheaties for breakfast." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when you're waiting for the bus.
  2. The Self-Promoter.
    OK, so we've probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.
  3. The Town Crier.
    "Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.
  4. The TMIer.
    "Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids." Boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.
  5. The Bad Grammarian.
    "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe". Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.
  6. The Sympathy-Baiter.
    "Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now." Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks -- baited with vague tales of woe -- in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.
  7. The Lurker.
    The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.
  8. The Crank.
    These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn't complain about. "Carl isn't really that impressed with idiots who don't realize how idiotic they are." [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.
  9. The Paparazzo.
    Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.
  10. The Maddening Obscurist.
    "If not now then when?" "You'll see..." "Grist for the mill." "John is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not." [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you're not being mysterious -- just nonsensical.
  11. The Chronic Inviter.
    "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which 'Star Trek' character are you? Here are the 'Top 5 cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What President Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Millard Fillmore! What president are you?"

After reading these, I'm PRETTY sure I'm THE LURKER!! At my 10 year high school reunion, I could not stop myself from telling people that I've seen pictures of their families on facebook. HELLO, I haven't seen these people in 10 YEARS...WHY am I openly admiting that I've stalked them on facebook? I think most people have some of "the lurker" in hopefully, I didn't freak some people out! :)

Who would you be??


I'm pretty sure that I'm going to put Life with Liz in category #1 - Status update from early today said "Organizing bookshelves, doing dishes, doing laundry, then finishing my book!". haha.


  1. First! "Organizing bookshelves" is HARDLY an every day task. Secondly, and sadly, neither are laundry and dishes... at least since I've been slobbing around on vacation for the last 2.5 weeks!

    But, for you and only you, I will try to make myself more interesting. Or at least make the uninteresting a little more palatable.


  2. Those are funny! and SO true too! LOL Not sure what I am, probably a combo of a few!